In retrospect and reflection

I talk to Amy, Tracy and Dan and I realize several things.

One, that without the obvious splitup of my parents, as depicted in the photo shot in Brooklyn in 1958 or '59, my siblings Dan, Amy, Tracy and Andy never would have been.

Two, that the aforementioned split helped shape me and make me who I am, and, to a degree, who my children are. I have no complaints.

Three, that while my father was a caring and compassionate man toward his children out West, he also failed them in some respects. Some of the failings were his fault, many were not. Among the former, he gave up when trying to win their custody after it appeared he lost. At the time, men infrequently won custody, true. Later, he focused on anger over his divorce with their mom, and that got in the way of his parenting, relegating him to being a so-called "Disney Dad." Anger betrayed the love he felt for them. In spite of this, not because of it, they turned out pretty damned good.

Four, I am not sorry that my parents split. I turned out well, as did they, and I now have a brother and two sisters. Further, I was blessed to have a wonderful mother who gave me a wonderful foundation to build my life upon. I'm not sure which is better: growing up an only child or growing up the eldest of what might have been five had they remained a couple. We'll never know. None of us, since all the key players in this drama have passed.

Oh, the questions I'd ask Mom if she were here. But at least her scarlet letter has been lifted -- and shame on those who imposed it on her.