Pleasant Conversation With Cousin Michael

I met my cousin Michael Hertzberg via a phone call on Monday. He's Arlene's brother and Edie's son, for those who haven't followed along so far.

Michael, pictured at right with his two boys, and his wife live in the D.C. area, where he's a psychiatrist in private practice and she's a psychologist and counselor at the same office. Their two sons are both in college -- one of them in South Florida.

We chatted for about 20 or so minutes and it was a great first meeting. I filled him in on my life and how it came to be that I was not part of the family and now I am. He passed along what little he knows of my origins or the separation of my parents, though he did remember a little bit about that time.

Michael is the eldest of the cousins and he said in his youth he and Mel Kohn were friendly. He remembered Mel leaving New York for points west, but that's about all he can remember.

Ah well. Like I've said before, with the two key players in this drama no longer here I'll probably never learn quite what broke them up, or why. Like they say, water under the bridge.

At this point, I have a future to look forward to with my wife, kids, brother, sisters, cousins and aunt, not to mention the cousins, aunts and uncles I've known for all my life.

Catherine and I are at Kennedy Space Center. Thats a rocket engine behind me.

We're All Ready to Rock

Purchased tickets the other day to for Catherine and I to fly to LAX next month. We decided to leave a day earlier than planned and stay a day later, so we're gone from June 16th to the 29th. That'll still give me a day to recover before I return to work.

During the trip, we're planning to go to Universal, Magic Mountain, Catalina Island, Las Vegas and several other day trips, maybe even as far north as San Francisco, though that's quite a trip and I'm not sure we're going to want to do that to ourselves.

I can't wait to meet my brother and sisters face to face. We've been apart way too long -- a lifetime by any measure -- and that's just not right.

Well, Keith you forgot one thing...

It seems that all Kohn men have the somewhat hairy trait that could only be called ape-like. I always wondered how our father knew at what point to quit while he was shaving. Maybe he stopped at the point that his comb-over met his thick coat of body hair?? I guess this is another one of those question that will never be answered. It's so unfair that we have to wonder all our lives but we'll just have to learn to live with it.

Another handful of photos

I think I have a couple more batches of pictures to post, so might as well get some of them online now.

One thing I find fascinating is seeing bits of me in so many of these photos. Yeah, I know, there's definitely a Kohn waistline or gut, take your pick. And the hairline, or lack thereof. It's there, too.





Yet these all are markers that show how similar we are, even if, in some cases, generations separate us. Not to mention the parental differences my brother and sisters and I have.

You can still tell we're related, and I find that a wonderful thing.

Importance of family

One thing these photos show me is the importance of family.

I look at the smiles of the people in the images on these past few posts and can't help but wonder what role I could have played in their lives had I known them decades ago.

The images on this post are mostly of my father Mel Kohn. He removed himself from the fabric of my life before my birth. Throughout my life, I saw this as his loss. But now that I realize there were other members of my family out there.

I feel this loss, too. Moreso than when I was a kid and had to explain where my father was, or was not. The fights I got in over it are nothing in comparison to this void that I now know can't be filled:

Grandparents I'll never have a chance to meet. A brother removed from the canvass before the brush was even dipped into paint. An uncle and aunt also out of my mind's eye before ever appearing. Cousins who have children of their own as old as mine and who I've never met.

What would their lives have been like and what would my life have been like had we known each other all these years?

It's all moot, though, since those are questions that will never be answered. Still, I can't help but pose the question.

And that is a shame.

Some more photos

As promised, here are some more photos of my "other" family, the family I didn't know I had until just a month ago, give or take a few days.

The photos are in pretty good shape considering their age.

One is a shot (above) of an article about my father Mel Kohn when he became office manager of the L.A. office of a trucking line. It mentions him driving a little sports car, and cousin Arlene Franco had a shot of him in that car which I've added here. (The article also mentions his enjoyment of the single life. He needs a smack upside the head for that one, methinks!)

In any event, the photos are what they are, a visual reconstruc- tion of my family, aunts, uncles, grand- parents, warts and all.

Enjoy.

Some good old photos

During our visit to Sarasota on Sunday, May 18, my cousin Arlene also went over a vast collection of photos, and, in the process, gave me some to take home and share with my family, display, admire, burn, whatever.

I've scanned most of them in and posting a bunch here. Most are of my father, Mel Kohn, some are my brothers and sisters in their younger years, some are of my aunts and uncles and grandparents. They'll appear in the next couple of posts.

Enjoy.

A wonderful first meeting

Catherine, Kim, Karen and I traveled to Sarasota today to meet Arlene and Ricky Franco, my cousins. Arlene is the daughter of my late Aunt Edie, my father Mel Kohn's sister.
Arlene and Ricky are, to put it best, wonderful people, outstanding hosts and the type to make visitors -- even strangers though related for a lifetime -- feel completely welcome, completely comfortable. And, oddly, I felt an immediate connection with Arlene. Almost like I've known her forever.

But I guess we're from different branches of the same family tree. The same stock. The same blood.

So this visit was something special for me. A chance to commune with a newcomer to my life and family. It was like that from the moment we left the car. An at-ease feeling and openness about our families and, to a large degree, my origins.

After the usual hugs, handshakes, smiles and the like, we got down to business. That business being conjecture, speculation, jokes and what-ifs about the dividing forces between my two parents, Beatrice Spitz and Mel Kohn. Mel was Arlene's uncle and she said he was a pretty good guy.

So what would divide these two to such a degree that Arlene's mom would take the same photo I have of the two of them -- the only photo I had up until the past month of the two of them, or of Mel at all -- and cut my mother out of the picture. It's a literal and figurative phrase in this case, just look at the photo.

Compare it with the one below. It's kind of funny, kind of sad.

Since neither of the key players are with us, it boiled down to speculation, conjecture, educated guesses based upon conversations with said key players and those around them at the time. In other words, we what-iffed the subject about as far as we could. And that wasn't very far.

That said, we couldn't really determine how it was that my mother and my father would have nothing to do with one another during much of her pregnancy and thereafter.

But we do know that after their split, my mom remained in California -- as did my father -- before returning to New York when I was a little over a year old. What roles my aunt Edie, my uncle Dan or my grandmother played in any of this can't be determined.

Maybe that's a good thing.

So given these few facts, we did what anyone in our shoes would do.

We ate.

We talked.

And we got to know one another as best we could for a first time together. We learned about Arlene and Ricky's two kids, Bret and Ali. He's a lawyer, she's studying to be one. He's in Chicago, she's in New York.

We talked about this amazing discovery of a family divided by time. We talked about our parents, our children, our lives.

Ricky gave me a quick tour of the house. One thing you notice are the walls. Or, rather, the artwork on the walls. You see, Arlene is the artist of most pieces. She works in watercolors and oils, though I think she prefers oils. I told her she ought to get her works into a gallery. She's just that good.

I'm so glad we got to know one another and I hope our relationships grow from here.

Arlene relaxing on the patio.

Arlene and I at her house in Sarasota.

Just confirmed Sunday's visit with Arlene

Just got off the phone with one of my newest cousins, Arlene, to confirm our reunion this weekend and all is set. Catherine and I will drive to Sarasota on Sunday morning and we'll visit in the afternoon.

I plan to bring photos, maybe a few videos, my cancer album and bar mitzvah album to share snippets of my and our life with her.

I'm sure at some point we'll stop by sister-in-law Theresa's house on the way out for a quick visit since we'll be so close.

This will be my first face-to-face contact with one of my long-lost relatives.

I can't wait.

Just a few more photos

While awaiting more photos from my sisters and brother, I thought I'd pop a few more photos onto the blog. These are some of my fond memories, first a couple from my bar mitzvah and then a few more-modern images.

The two at the top are, first, of my aunts and uncles at the time of my 13th birthday.

The next is a shot of my cousins and our grandmother.

It was a big day in my life and, thankfully, so many were there to share in it with me.

Above is a shot of my clan as pictured at Busch Gardens Tampa Bay in the last couple of years of the 20th Century. For those on the Left Coast, pictured are, clockwise from left, daughter Jenny, wife Catherine, Mom, daughter Kim, daughter Aimee and daughter Karen, plus, of course, myself in the middle. I've been in the middle of a lot between them all, but that's another story.

Then are a couple of nice shots of Catherine and myself.

The one at the waterfall, right, was shot about a dozen or so years ago while visiting friends Mary Ann Murdoch and Ted Hoffman at their former home in the western mountains of South Carolina.

They've since moved back to Florida and now live in Lakeland. Mary Ann works at the Lakeland Ledger and also teaches at the University of Central Florida and Ted is an editor at the Tampa Tribune.

The final shot is of Catherine and I at Kennedy Space Center, in the fairly new Apollo pavillion in which a full Saturn V rocket, the one that, sadly, never went into space due to budget cuts, is on display. It's one of my favorite places to visit, since I am such a space buff.

I'll add more photos in the coming days, and I'm sure some of them will be of my family out West, so those of you up on the Eastern Seaboard will be able to see who I'm talking about when I mention folks.

Also, this coming weekend Catherine and I plan to visit my cousin Arlene in Sarasota. This will be the first face-to-face meeting with the lost branch of my family.

I'm looking forward to the visit.

Tracy and I finally connect

I had a very pleasant surprise today -- Mother's Day 2008. I received a call from my sister Tracy. We'd missed one another earlier in the week and it was great to hear from her. And daughter Elyse, too, who was in the background.

Once again I've found it weird to be referred to as brother and uncle and to refer to this person as a sister. It's been a foreign concept for so long. Me? A brother? But it's a fact of my life. I am a brother. An older brother, to boot.

We chatted about what we might do when I'm out West, where we'll go. And I reminded Tracy that we're just 20 minutes from Disney World when she, Elyse and Nolan make it to the Sunshine State.

I've scanned in several photos to share with my new family of me many, many years ago, but first I'm adding a wonderful photo of Elyse and Nolan shot a few years ago to let one half of my family see what more of the other half looks like.

I really like the effect used in the picture; it's just a great shot of two really cute kids.

But for a really cute kid you have to admire the shots that follow -- of course, they're of me and Mom when I was still out in California, some with cousin Amy in the shot, in 1959-60 and then in Brooklyn in early and then mid-1961.

No laughing, please.

The next several shots are in Brooklyn at my second birthday. The top photo is of me and several of my cousins in the basement family room of our house in Brooklyn, followed by a couple more from the same event. The usual characters, grandparents, aunts, cousins, family friends -- and a few people I don't recognize.

Below is a shot of cousin Janye and me at Rockaway beach in May 1961. I've loved the beach and marine life ever since. And as the photo below that one attests, I also enjoyed just hanging around in the backyard in Brooklyn.

Skipping ahead a decade and a half, give or take a few years, below is my frat brothers and I -- plus the little sisters -- of Tau Epsilon Phi outside the frat house in 1978. That's the year it was selected by Playboy magazine as the partyingest house in America. Playboy threw us one hell of a party. Can you recognize me? I'm on my knees in the second row in my "Jew-fro." Oh, that's also the year my pledge class defeated the other predominantly Jewish frat on campus in what became known as the "Nose Bowl." I played offensive center in that game.

Well, there are plenty more photos to resuscitate from dusty boxes and bags, but for another time.

12,000 and growing

It took a lot to get here. But here we are. Since launching CancerVivor.blogspot.com a lot has changed. Much of it for the worse, but it looks like things are picking up.

I say that because of the reunion via phone last month of the Kohn siblings -- Amy, Dan and myself. Meeting Tracy, my other sister, is yet to come and I look forward to it.

But much has passed since the blog went up. I went through seven weeks of intense chemotherapy, six-plus weeks of radiation at the same time, surgery and the recuperation one needs to get over all that -- if one really gets over it at all in a deeper sense.

Then there were the eight-plus months Mom went through, along with the rest of the family, as she wended her way through horrible medical issues that eventually took her life last month.

Which brings us to here, to now. I've begun to develop a relationship with my new family, and we're all documenting it at kohnzone.blogspot.com.

And in that time, as of this morning, May 7, 2008, 12,004 page hits have been recorded on the two blogs. I'd like to reiterate it's probably the same few dozen people checking out the progress on both fronts, and you're very welcome to continue stopping by.

While you're here, click on an ad or two as you stumble by them. The money raised -- so far about $15 -- will go to the Florida Hospital Cancer Institute, the place that helped save my life.

Here's another photo

As I noted in the previous post, I am adding a photo of my cousin Arlene and her family. They are, from left, Arlene, Bret, Ricky and Ali Franco.

The Francos live in Sarasota, not terribly far from my sister-in-law Theresa near downtown and my cousin Amy and her family, who are just south of Sarasota.

Catherine and I plan to visit Arlene and family later this month. I'll bring a camera to capture the visit.

Nice nieces

It's funny. I've been an uncle to a half-dozen kids for decades, the children of Catherine's three brothers. They're all great young men and women, all diverse in their interests and accomplishments, all adding moments of pride to our lives.

Now I have eight more nieces and nephews to begin to know and enjoy.

Tonight I had brief conversation with Abby, Melissa and Grace, three nieces in the Jones clan. I've met them each over the phone a couple times before and I can't wait until June to meet them in person.

They're equally charmed by their "new" uncle, even if they can't always remember his name.

They loved the photo of the kittens I emailed their mom last week and they were telling me about their pooch Snickers.

Catherine and I have been checking out the airfares regularly and I'll probably make a purchase in the coming days. Don't want to get them too early, lest I miss out on any deals, but don't want to wait too long either because the prices are sure to rise.

But I digress.

Over the weekend Amy send me some more photos. These were a tribute to my brother Andy, who I never met and unfortunately will never have the pleasure of meeting. Both Amy and I can't help but to think he's keeping an eye on us and will be happy for this reunion.

Are the photos goofy?

At least one is. There's a story behind why Brice, Dan and Andy are wearing the same shorts. Honest.

I also heard again this weekend from my cousin Arlene, who lives in Sarasota -- just about two hours from Orlando. We plan to visit with Arlene and husband Bret later this month. She'll be my first face-to-face meeting with members of the other half of my family. She sent a family photo and as soon as I have her permission to publish it here I promise I will.

When is your family "finished"?

Let me introduce myself. My name is Amy Jones. I was born in June,1967. I am the daughter of Melvin and Rita Kohn. I am the mother of Kenny, Abby, Melissa and Grace. I am the wife of Brice Jones and the sister to Dan, Tracy, Andy..and Keith. My family is my life and what I live for. I just keep adjusting my vision of family to include all the new suprises this big, wonderful world has to offer.

Over the last few weeks I've asked myself this question many times. "When is a family finished, done, no mas, the fat lady has sung!! As a busy mom of 3, my husband and I said our family was finished only to find out that we were wrong,we we were missing our little Gracie Girl and she was what made our family complete. I never thought that I needed Gracie until she came and turns out she's the only one that even looks like me!!
As a sister I thought that book was written about 40 years ago. I was the sister of Dan, Tracy and Andy. That's it. Complete. I guess I was wrong again. Turns out the ink isn't even dry on the pages. This book now seems to have no ending. I just keep turning the pages to see where this all ends up. I have laid to rest a brother only and gained a new one all in the last year. Both as earth shattering as the other, both as natural as the other. A loss that seems insurmountable and a gain that is neverending. In one fail swoop I have changed from a sister of a few to a family that is continuously growing. (And they say that kids nowadays are disrespectful and are lacking manners compared to how dignified and proper people were"in the old days". Mom and Dad, you have me beat by a MILLION!!)
Turns out we really have no control over how the old whipper snappers conducted themselves way back when. Seems that there was a lot of whipping and snapping going on and not enough
thinking and respecting. I am at the same time embarrassed and outraged that our father, Melvin Kohn, knowingly had a child and CHOSE not to be in his life and yet if he was the man I would have wanted him to be would have meant that I wouldn't exist. Mel would have never met Rita, his nurse when he had his first heart attack and literally married the first woman he saw and quickly spit out 4 kids in about 6 years. He was my hero and now I feel his dishonor. I still love our Dad but now I know he was just man. He made mistakes and I believe he and Beatrice and Rita and Andy are up there trying to make this right. And so we will. What they couldn't do while here on Earth we will do for them. We are a family. With all the imperfections a family could possibly have. Our parents made mistakes but we aren't them. Just as Grace wasn't a mistake, Keith isn't a mistake, my brothers and sisters (??!) aren't mistakes. I'm not a mistake. My family will never be finished. I am a family of many.

Even more photos

Amy sent a couple more photos from out West.

One is a shot of her and her Mom. The other is a shot of her family along with Brice's mom as they boarded a Disney Cruise Line ship.

That marks another similarity we share: an affinity for cruising.

Catherine and I also cruised on a Disney ship, actually the first cruise out of Port Canaveral of any Disney ship -- the Disney Magic, the line's first ship. While the air-conditioning vents leaked of condensed water as the ship was dehumidified, the food in one restaurant was downright awful and the coffee cream in another was sour, the ship overall was a beautiful vessel. I'm sure the line, by now, has improved the quality since its maiden voyage. And it didn't turn us off of the cruise vacation at all.

I'm sure we'll find many more similarities in the coming weeks, months and years. After all, we are family with plenty of time ahead of us.

A genetic Golden Spike

Not unlike May 10, 1869, our reunion in June will be historic for families on both coasts.

It was on that date in Promontory Point, Utah, that a golden spike was hammered into a uniting rail track and trains from both coasts butted noses for the first time.

In mid-June, 2008, families from West and East will no doubt hug, cry and smile at one another, face to face, for the first time.

Like the photo below at the Golden Spike Ceremony, I believe we, too, will make lasting memories.

A glimpse at the families

I've received two photos of my family out West. First was a shot of sister Amy, her husband Brice and their klan. Then Amy sent one of she and our siblings, circa 1975, with Mel Kohn.

On this side of the continent, I sent over a few shots of my family. Attached on this post are two such photos. One is of the Keith Kohn gang about five years ago while boarding a cruise out of Miami. The other is of Catherine, my better half, as captured on our sailboat last year. Now, those on the Left Coast can glance east without squinting.

It's great to have an idea of whom I'm speaking with on the phone, and I'm sure the feeling's mutual as well, out there.

Here are a few of the photos.

WEST COASTERS



EAST COASTERS